Lack of Sexual Desire

The basis for this week ’ s essay is the serious story of a young woman , now 30 years old who lamented in several different messages about her profound lack of sexual stimulation despite going out of her way to actually seek a solution to the problem .
She has a healthy attraction to the male gender but nothing more ; the combination of experiences and the lack of sexual fulfillment left her broken and in tears when we finally met . Now , there is a tendency towards depressive illness which would be a different kettle of fish .

Without being a doctor or psychologist, it is easy to see where all this is leading . The negative experiences are so severe that she has been unable to function at work and even had to give that up at some point . And that is happening in an economy as parlous as ours. The omens surely , are not looking good for her . And she is not alone ; nor is her gender the only one that problems like this can affect . Men can also suffer from this kind of problem .

This is fairly common and it is a rising problem among women in many countries . This is particularly so in an era of steadily rising age which usually couples with the situation of declining hormone levels .

When these are added to the pressure of the workplace among career women , environmental stress factors and the problems with urban transportation in some of Nigeria ’ s largest cities , the near absence of power in a 24 - hour cycle and the stress that all of that adds to the challenges of daily living , it is easy to appreciate how tough the home front can become . Frustration then becomes a byword and the sheer ability to handle all the challenges as they come up to determine to a great degree how each individual is able to handle their case .

Low self - esteem on top of all the above issues is perfectly capable of unraveling some of the most ebullient characters you will ever meet and this problem can creep into any relationship .
With a partner , anxiety about sexual performance can cause diminished sexual desire and reduced sexual performance especially in males . In addition , erectile dysfunction can gain access into the relationship so much so that a range of mental health problems hitherto not in evidence , come into bold relief . Problems with physical abuse, domestic violence, alcohol use and drug addiction could become the order of the day . In the end , spousal abuse resulting from increasing feelings of worthlessness and immense frustration eventually pose a massive danger to an otherwise healthy relationship .

All of these together , only serve to accentuate the reduction in sexual affection . Loss of libido especially in a man , stresses a marriage more profoundly than can be quantified .

Inhibited sexual desire in women is more than just an ordinary problem although many women conceal it well . It threatens in a fundamental way , the foundation of any marriage . It has implications even for personal relationships outside the home, in the workplace and in other interactions with their multiple contacts across every stratum of their commitments.
This problem also known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD ), is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among women of all ages. A recent study opines that nearly one -third of all women between 18 and 59 years of age suffer from a loss of interest in sex .
The biggest sexual problem women have is a combination of both physical and mental factors which are now known to be able to wreak havoc in the other room .
The solution has to be holistic — - psychological , spiritual, physical and mental . There is little or no room for the use of medications as they are often classified as duds .

In males , most of the difficulties with inadequate sexuality are explained by erectile dysfunction which to a large degree is now treatable or manageable with the use of sexual enhancement drugs . There are non proprietary aphrodisiacs as well which for good or ill, have helped some men to varying degrees .
In women , however , the problem with depressed libido is not as straightforward ; it is a complex array of physical , psychological and emotional factors all working in tandem to produce an unusual challenge in the bedroom .
For yet other women , the origin of problems like this can be traced to their upbringing . Not only were they terrified by their mothers to not allow a man touch them for fear of getting pregnant, they were raised to see sex and think of it only in the most negative ways.
It was synonymous with evil and the devil and not particularly was the point made that sex within the confines of marriage was absolutely right and ordained by God .

In the end , these women , old and young grew into adulthood absolutely terrified of sex and anything associated with it . It was anathema to kiss and a taboo to touch the private parts. Some of them thus developed into individuals unable to respond to some social skills much less the intimate ones .
The woman who provoked this essay feels nothing when fondled and has never experienced what a wet vagina feels like.

During this week when the focus is on the education and the successful raising of the girl child , it is important to understand that there are several health implications for the woman who is repressed in this manner . This is a profound problem because not many females are even willing to share their experiences .
For the men , there is more openness and the age at which this is a problem is very different being a mainly middle age issue . For the most part , there is treatment . In women , however , the sexual drive or desire fluctuates over the years .
There are highs and lows which often coincide with the beginning and the end of a relationship . Sometimes , these coincide with the onset or termination of major illness and of lifestyle changes as you may find associated with diabetes . They can also happen in pregnancy , menopause and with medications used in the management of mood disorders .

Some of the symptoms of a low sex drive in women are :
(1 ) never or only rarely having sexual fantasies or thoughts about the same ;

(2 ) inability to develop or sustain interest in any sexual activity including such things as masturbation ; and

(3 ) concern about the lack of sexual activity as enumerated above . When any woman feels any of these facts , it is time to seek medical help . These in turn may be caused by any of the following factors which we shall now subdivide into physical , hormonal and psychological factors .

The latter factor may be caused by any of the following :
1 ) A poor image of self
2 ) Low self esteem
3 ) A history of physical , mental or sexual abuse including rape

4 ) Stress from any external issue related to work, finance , emotions and family relationships

5 ) Mental health problems particularly depression , schizophrenia and anxiety .

The physical factors are as follows:
1 ) Inability to experience orgasm turns some women away from sex entirely

2 ) As previously mentioned above , certain drugs currently in use for the treatment of depression

3 ) Illnesses like high blood pressure , cancer , heart disease , arthritis and diabetes can also negatively affect this problem .

4 ) Any previous operation that involves the breasts or the genitals sometimes becomes a negative sexual experience for some individuals

5 ) Fatigue from performing household chores and caring for young children tends to make many women somewhat antisocial in bedroom matters .

6 ) Certain habits we imbibe can become an albatross over our sex lives such as the use of alcohol . A little amount can actually put one in the mood while too much can have the opposite effect . Persistent drunkenness can destroy the sex drive permanently .

The hormonal factors have been mentioned already and have to do mainly with pregnancy and breast feeding as well as the menopause .

Dr . Sylvester Ikhisemojie